spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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