she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize