dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
