I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
