So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
