I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
