Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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