Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
