Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
