So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
