She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
