suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
