can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
