So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
organizing the empties. That sober.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
