haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
