please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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