Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize