i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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