If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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