the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
