Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
