My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
