Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
