BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
