Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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