Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
