Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize