There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize