i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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