its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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