After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
