i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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