I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize