Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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