sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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