I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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