Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
