There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
