I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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