I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
