I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
