So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
