I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The struggles of a small town man whore
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
