no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
