Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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