they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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