If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
