i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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