i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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