just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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