Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
