I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
