It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
