Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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