Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
