It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
