and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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