Whod you bang
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
