i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
