he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
