NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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