WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have demons in me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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