You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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