we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
