I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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