I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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