Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
false alarm. still invincible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
