Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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