Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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