I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
