is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
